June , 28 , 2013

So today was the last day. It was really pointless. Plus it was just filled with drama.

This song just basically describes life in its entirety

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXn4ZRWKACs

I don't really mean anything, i have no use, i have no purpose.

June , 26 , 2013

I actually kinda of wanted to go with you..

June , 25 , 2013

I just want that connection again.. i miss it, i miss you..

June , 22 , 2013

I can't do this anymore..

I want you to show me how much i mean to you. I need to know that this is real, and I need to know your all in too..

June , 21 , 2013

I just wanted to spend time with you..

I feel like you don't want this..

DONE

June , 20 , 2013

Tanning Time!!

And the low strikes me hard...

Wait...

So this is my fault? I'm the one in shit AGAIN?

June , 19 , 2013

It would just over complicate things even more..

Its all just going to get harder

That really says it all.. 2 years and you can't trust me

June, 18 , 2013

-Blue
-Monsters Inc & Nightmare before Christmas
-Howie D
-Spiders

Awks..

Its me..

Forever Feeling;

- Not Good Enough
- A Learning Opportunity
- Fuck Up
- Un-Wanted
- Hated
- Alone
- Weak
- Vulnerable
- Different
- Emo
- Waste Of Space
- Nostalgic
- A Negative
- An Embarrassment
- Shameful
- A Disgrace
- A Punching Bag
- Misunderstood





- Nothing..


http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression

June, 17, 2013

Waking up from a dream, crying, not because it was a bad dream, but because it was only just a dream...

Glad it's all just a joke.

None of this is funny, or ironic, or easy, or fun, or fair, or joyful, or happy, this is the absolute fucking worse, and every god dam day it gets worse and worse. So please for the love of god, just tell me im not the only one who can feel their heart miss beats, and can feel the space that no one ever wanted empty.

June , 16 , 2013

And you expect me to get back together with you? You just snap for no reason, you won't even let me explain anything.. jeez

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide, its where my demons hide.

June, 13, 2013

Im just glad im not hurting, or being told all the wrong things ive done, or how i hurt you. Its just nice, makes me feel good.

You said we would fix things once we fix ourselves, yet, everyday there's always something new... let's just stop pretending

June , 12 , 2013

Finished my animation summative, now history exam.

Back to square one, so much for wanting to "fix" things..

I think the worst thing is, "You deserve better then Lucas" and you say thanks... if i was so fucking shitty why'd you stay?

June, 10 , 2013

Here comes the avoidance, ignorance, the hurt, and I'll be nothing, sounds good..

I can feel its pulse, i can feel it running through my veins, i hear it calling.. Do i answer or leave it be?

How i actually feel..

So, obviously, I've been having a really tough time lately, I keep sugar coating how I feel or what's actually going through my head, so I guess ill just write it all down. Now.. I know you read this, why? ill never understand, but I really want you texting me saying its going to get better or something like that, none of this is really a quick fix, and I really don't understand why you don't understand. Also, if this makes you upset, then I'm sorry, but don't text me defending yourself either.

1. This Ben thing, I really don't understand why it still bugs me so much, its been a year, yet it still eats me alive, every minute of the day. Everyone keeps saying "Lucas, your such an ass hole now" or something about who I am. See, when something like that happens, you cant just continue with your day, it alters you, it makes you hard, its hard to trust, it legit changes who you are, I've changed, I don't let anyone in. Did you know most rapes or sexual assaults either come from a family member or close friend?...

2. Schools getting harder, and it doesn't slow down, but I wasted my time focusing on other things then school. Upside, im switching to all academic courses, and taking bio and functions, so eventually I can go to a good university and double major in drama and phycology, get my bachelors then my masters. I have a plan, thank god.

3. You... I don't really know where to start?... On Wednesday, when I had my low, you came to help, which I thank you for, but once we kissed, the day after I was nothing to you.. we have the same locker and you have my number... yet magically, its my fault for not saying anything? I tried.. I still do, but you don't make it easy. Second of all, your really not the only one hurting, just because I don't walk around the halls all sad, or blog about how hurt I am, doesn't mean I don't hurt. The way you talk to me, makes me feel like a kid with down-syndrome, you don't talk to me, you talk at me, and you know you do. I'm the type of person who doesn't stay friends after break ups, not because im bitter or angry, but because there's those silences, where "I love you" belongs, or there's those actions, where a kiss is supposed to go. Its awkward and it tears me apart bit by bit, but I've always told you, if I lose you, I don't want to lose you completely, but your making this un-believably hard. Third of all, I had brought to my attention, that I picked Adam over you, which is true I wont deny it and I own it, but I guess its karma for picking Ben and Jacqui over me, after you knew... or.. the fact that the day the whole Taylor shit went down, you literally begged me to lie, to protect your friendship with Jacqui, who picked ben over you almost all year, talked shit about YOU and ME and im sure there's many more, not criticizing just saying.. the last 2 months, everyone's been way more important then YOU, me and US as a unit, I needed you at times and you weren't there, but the same goes for me (Again, not denying it). But there's something, I can feel it in my bones, and so can others, that something happened, and you grew distant, fuck, it didn't even grow, you fully just let go, now if I wasn't good enough then im sorry, but I told you right from the start, I can't be your knight in shinning armour. The worst part is, there's times your with me, or say something to me, and you can literally hear my heart shatter, you talked to me like everyone else does, your the one person that I knew wouldn't treat me like everyone else, but hey, I treated you like shit so, fair is fair I guess. I remember last year, way back when, I kept telling you that I was worried about your final year, and you said " Well, we'll worry about it when the time comes.", that day came when I tried to talk to you and I got "Luke, this is a big stage in my life", yet, it never got dealt with..

We grew apart, You grew up, and im just the kid, so im sorry that you wasted 2 years dealing with this bull... At least when you find that Right Guy, you'll be truly happy, because judging from everything lately, you weren't...

June 9 2013

Im nothing but a stranger, nothing but a memory

Your sunshine set a long time ago..

June , 8 , 2013

The fact that im not even Lucas anymore, and just the "Suicidal 16 Year Old Who Got Raped" kinda just kills me...

June , 7 , 2013

Its all bullshit, and i fell for it yet again.

June , 6 , 2013

This history project sucks.. blah :/

Guess i can't do anything right..

Perks of a wallflower in history... great...

So.. i don't really care if you see this or not, or if you "try" to stop me or not, im going to do this, its going to happen, and come tomorrow, nothing will matter..

The Final Day

Well, i guess this is considered my note, ive lost everything, and now there's nothing left. I think im going to end it, there's nothing hold me back or talking me out of it, so i guess these are final.

Mom&Dad: My choice has nothing to do with your parenting, this is truly me and the way i feel, im not going to go into detail, that's 4 years worth. But just know i love you so much, and i thank you for everything, and im sorry for what I've done.

Emma: Im sorry you have to hear about this, i know this is something no sibling wants to hear, i love you emma and i thank you for every laugh and smile you've ever given me.

Adam&Matt: Well its been a great run, you've taught me a lot this past school year. Im sorry for this, i know you guys have talked me out of this numerous times. But i think im just gonna do it, I've had enough really, but this is no reflection on you, just souly my emotions.

Jas... : well, quite a ride wasn't it.. im sorry for doing this to you, you know why.. this is no reflection on our past or present, just the way i feel. Im also sorry for how much I've hurt you the past 2 years, I'll never be able to forgive myself. I just want to thank you, for everything, being there for me when i needed you, loving me for who i was, all of it. I just want you to know i love you and i always have, and i honestly hope you forgive me for what im going to do. I also hope you get everything sorted out, and be the best we both know you can be..

Well, that's all i guess.. this will be last post, and my last goodbye.

Xoxo - Luke

June , 5 , 2013

So im a problem you don't know how to deal with... nice

Upside 71 in careers, fuck yeah, hard work paid off

Our Song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl3P0hXY-7I

Just Listen To The Words?

June , 4 , 2013 , Part 2

Come on, its me, we both know what it would turn into..

June , 4 , 2013

Why do i feel like your enjoying this, and your way happier. Did it really not matter? Or is it just not worth getting upset over?