April , 7 ,2013

Where to start...

Moms using all the money i have to fund her fucking needs, so all of the hard work went to waste and now im broke.

We watched schindlers list in history and no one, and i mean NO ONE, could shut the fuck up for one fucking second.

I keep having nightmares, go figure, it all replays over and over and i can't stop it.

And i feel so disconnected from her.. it honestly feels like were just friends, that's it. I don't know what to do, i try to strike up conversation, but she either isn't paying attention, or too busy talking about herself. That's who she is though, i always knew, but i never really noticed it, till now.

Were supposed to have a weekend together, but i don't really see the point anymore. Were gonna spend it together and it'll be amazing and so on. But i guarantee, when we get back to school, the disconnection will happen again.

I really don't understand what she wants from me, i try my best to make her feel good, and be happy, and hold her, and support her like i was told too. But what's the point if she doesn't want all of that, or even acknowledge it. She has a lot going on, understandable, but still..

I always say "Maybe you should find someone who can be what you want/need". I truly believe, in my heart, that its not me she wants, i mean she could tell me until she's out of breath, but actions speak louder then words. And her actions, they say it all..

So, i know you'll end up seeing this, so ill say what i need to and accept the consequences, Jas, i love you to death and you know it, but you really need to step out of the frame and look at the bigger picture..